Today Amelia sat on my lap, well what is left of it anyway. I seem to constantly be saying "be careful not to lean back on mum's tummy". We were watching a program on TV (actually one of my programs that I had recorded last night) And she didn't mind watching it with me because it meant being with me. That's why I love this kid. She's taken to enjoying whatever I do, joining me in my world.
Over the past two years we've created so many rituals, depending on the day and where we are. Toddler Tuesdays; (which is her playgroup day and she LOVES going to see her 'friends') enjoying a coffee and babychino while out and about or when catching up with friends; Rifling through the shelves and boxes at the local opshop. (where she has just worked out that they have MANY shoes to try on and is in all of her glory) long, lingering hugs around my big tummy from her seat in the shopping trolley while we do the groceries (or as she puts it "cuggle Mummy" She twirls my hair when she sneaks into bed of a morning, with her head under my armpit and her feet resting on her father. And now she's even able to watch me sew and create, being careful not to step on my work (or pins - oops) and waiting patiently for the fabric scraps.
Everyone tells me I have a good kid and how cute she is (and to be honest we are very bias) She is incredibly capable (almost too capable, these days), a great all-day window-shopper and touch shopper, obedient, and self-directed. She's chatty, witty, and loving and super duper cute (told you I was bias)
There have been struggles - like when Tim has been away for LONG periods of time on exercises or courses, but in many ways it was a blessing (and a blessing that we have yet to experience a deployment during Amelia's short life) We have had incredible bonding periods during these times and I found a lot of strength as a mum that I didn't know I had. I shed many of the labels that come with one's partner being away - and realized that I could be strong and in turn be an amazing Mum. I am sure that I have failed her many times, but I am sure that we all have those moments and days? And most importantly I learnt to step back and let Tim be the father that he so wanted to be when he returned, the best thing that we did was when he is home from being away, I disappear for a day - yes I whole day to myself where Amelia has to let him do things for her as there is no Mum there!
And now another little one is about to join us. And I don't know what to think. The two of us are about to be the three of us (I'm speaking in stay-at-home mum terms, of course - she's also very much a Daddy's Girl). For two years I have spent my days as "Amelia and Me" Mum and Super-Tot. I know my heart will grow to make room for the two of them and I will love them equally and differently. But as the days to #2 creep closer, I am feeling so many things, and one of them is the loss you feel as you enter a new chapter in life. Everyone talks about the excitement of the next stage - be it university or marriage or a new baby. I get that. But I've always been one who needs to pause to let go of the existing chapter in order to embrace the next biggest, best season of my life.
So here it is. A big, grateful, bittersweet sigh as I pause to remember our days as the Two of Us and a somewhat giddy smile as I await being the Three of Us.
If you got this far - thankyou for reading - and I hope that you enjoy the photos - I really have to get Tim on the other side of the Camera more often!
I totally understand. One of the reasons our two is not a three is because of how much I enjoy "us". Or when daddy is around how great our little family is...adding more is a scary thought But one that we will venture into...one day.
ReplyDeleteOh Kylie, you had me in tears. That is just beautiful. I felt all of those emotions too and really feel that after Ashton came that I grieved for the life the two of us (Ellyse and I) had.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy these last days as just the two of you, when there are 3 it may take awhile to get in the swing of things but we are back to babycinos, story time at the library - now these times are special because there are 3 of us!
Soak up that lovely bond you and Amelia have. You are right she is just adorable, you are one lucky and strong mumma.
oh my what a beautiful honest post.
ReplyDeletethank you
Abby
Awwwww Kylie, you got me all teary too! What a lovely post! Its such a special time, Mummy and her first born, felt just the same with G, wondered how I would fir another into my heart and life and now I can't imagine anything else than being the Mummy of 2, we are now the team of 3 girls instead of 3! But now G is about to go too full time school, it will be just me and M now..... Can't wait to meet your little one. :)
ReplyDeleteOh Kylie - what a moving and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you move into the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written Kylie! Thanks for sharing. Best wishes for the birth of your little boy!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful beautiful post Kylie.
ReplyDeleteYes, you do have a special one there, but I'm sure you'll love the next phase too.
ReplyDeleteI was the same with Louisa - I couldn't possibly understand how I could have that kind of bond with anyone else. All of my concern when pregnant was how she would cope and how it would affect her. The 'baby' was so abstract.
But then Lizzie was born and whammo - another little cutie to hang out with. And their bond as siblings - amazing.
Best of luck, Kylie!
Emailed to me - from Melissa
ReplyDeleteOh Kylie, it bought tears to my eyes!
It was like you were writing about Lucas and I four years ago. Dave (dh) was away alot so we just did everything together - like you and your precious daughter.
When Mollie arrived it felt just right, like our family was now complete. Lucas feel in love with her instantly and we never had one minute of jealously. I feel that was because I prepared him for her arrival and he was so secure in his relationship with me that he didn't feel threated. Four years on, they are still the best of friends - play together, cry together and school together.
I feel very blessed!
Sending you many healthy wishes with your birth ahead. Enjoy this special time
x Melissa
Kylie, that was a beautiful post and you are a wonderful mum, especially under the circumstances of DH'd job (and noone knows that better than me) I think we all feel a bit like that before the next baby comes but somehow your heart just grows big enough for everyone. And Amelia is going to make a wonderful big sister. I can't wait to meet the new little man. All my love, Ingrid.
ReplyDeleteKylie you had me in tears too I think because it bought back many feelings I had before Lucy was born. But as everyone has said you will now make a great 3
ReplyDeleteOMG Kylie..... This is such a beautiful post!!!! I too have a young daughter, 16 months old, and treasure every little moment that we spend together. Your words touched me and made me reflect on the life that I currently have and how lucky I am.... Good luck with number 2, I'm sure that the 3 of you will have an amazing time growing together.
ReplyDeleteJodie