Today Amelia sat on my lap, well what is left of it anyway. I seem to constantly be saying "be careful not to lean back on mum's tummy". We were watching a program on TV (actually one of my programs that I had recorded last night) And she didn't mind watching it with me because it meant being with me. That's why I love this kid. She's taken to enjoying whatever I do, joining me in my world.
Over the past two years we've created so many rituals, depending on the day and where we are. Toddler Tuesdays; (which is her playgroup day and she LOVES going to see her 'friends') enjoying a coffee and babychino while out and about or when catching up with friends; Rifling through the shelves and boxes at the local opshop. (where she has just worked out that they have MANY shoes to try on and is in all of her glory) long, lingering hugs around my big tummy from her seat in the shopping trolley while we do the groceries (or as she puts it "cuggle Mummy" She twirls my hair when she sneaks into bed of a morning, with her head under my armpit and her feet resting on her father. And now she's even able to watch me sew and create, being careful not to step on my work (or pins - oops) and waiting patiently for the fabric scraps.
Everyone tells me I have a good kid and how cute she is (and to be honest we are very bias) She is incredibly capable (almost too capable, these days), a great all-day window-shopper and touch shopper, obedient, and self-directed. She's chatty, witty, and loving and super duper cute (told you I was bias)
There have been struggles - like when Tim has been away for LONG periods of time on exercises or courses, but in many ways it was a blessing (and a blessing that we have yet to experience a deployment during Amelia's short life) We have had incredible bonding periods during these times and I found a lot of strength as a mum that I didn't know I had. I shed many of the labels that come with one's partner being away - and realized that I could be strong and in turn be an amazing Mum. I am sure that I have failed her many times, but I am sure that we all have those moments and days? And most importantly I learnt to step back and let Tim be the father that he so wanted to be when he returned, the best thing that we did was when he is home from being away, I disappear for a day - yes I whole day to myself where Amelia has to let him do things for her as there is no Mum there!
And now another little one is about to join us. And I don't know what to think. The two of us are about to be the three of us (I'm speaking in stay-at-home mum terms, of course - she's also very much a Daddy's Girl). For two years I have spent my days as "Amelia and Me" Mum and Super-Tot. I know my heart will grow to make room for the two of them and I will love them equally and differently. But as the days to #2 creep closer, I am feeling so many things, and one of them is the loss you feel as you enter a new chapter in life. Everyone talks about the excitement of the next stage - be it university or marriage or a new baby. I get that. But I've always been one who needs to pause to let go of the existing chapter in order to embrace the next biggest, best season of my life.
So here it is. A big, grateful, bittersweet sigh as I pause to remember our days as the Two of Us and a somewhat giddy smile as I await being the Three of Us.
If you got this far - thankyou for reading - and I hope that you enjoy the photos - I really have to get Tim on the other side of the Camera more often!
